I feel like I have so much on my mind that I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll write about being a stay-at-home mom.
Staying home is something that I never thought I would do. It was a transition that did not come easily to me and I still have days that I wonder if its what I should be doing. I feel so horribly guilty when I actually say that, but it is the truth. More and more I am accepting my role and feeling very blessed to be able to spend time with my kids the way that I do.
My husband and I were completely different people when we made the decision to keep me at home. We had so much to learn still and a lot of growing up to do. As I think about the last 6 years and the roller coaster of depression and anxiety that I have dealt with while staying home, I can't help but wonder why. Why has staying home with my kids brought so much emotional stress upon me?
As I'm writing this I realize that it has nothing to do with my kids or with being home all day. I think the issue for me is a title. As I look back on my life I was always busy and I always had some sort of title. Whether it was Sunday School Teacher, class president or service trainer I was defined by what I was doing or what I was achieving. I'm in a place right now where I am learning to enjoy life and love the everyday without having to accomplish anything or be called anything other than mom or Micah. It's tough because deep down I want a big title, I want recognition and accomplishment, but I believe, for whatever reason EverydayMom is the title God wants me to have and to love, at least for now.
What is that defines you? What is your title?
I struggled for many years with the same things in my head. I wanted to have a career...live in the big city, in an artists loft, painting and being well known in the community...in the world....but I wanted to be a mom MORE. I wouldn't give it up for anything, there are no jobs or careers out there that could ever fulfill or satisfy me the way that being a mom does. Even the stress, chaos, and struggles that I have encountered thus far are purely BLESSINGS to me when I think about what my REAL job is. I have worked while raising my kids...one...sometimes 2 jobs at once..and everything became so cloudy and chaotic for our life. Once I was able to stay home with them full time, I could see the clouds clear and see where my place was. You are such a good momma Micah! You should be proud of yourself for what you do, what you have accomplished on your own and with your family and never second guess yourself and what you were REALLY meant to be. You are a Mother and Wife-2 of the most important jobs ever created and I have seen you in action, so I know for a fact that you are very good at being both! Pat yourself on the back and feel good about the person you have become :) and raise them babies to be good upstandin' citizens and leaders in this crazy world! <3 Julie
ReplyDeleteI love you Julie! You are so special to me. I always learned a lot from you in our conversations. I know I would go crazy if I worked full time and someone else was taking care of my kids all day. I hope you are all doing well! Miss you :) thanks so much for your kind words!!!
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